• You are not to blame: You are not responsible for the violence. Your abuser has choices about other ways to react such as walking away until he or she is calmer.
  • You can't change your abusers behaviour: You'll probably have already noticed that it doesn't make much difference what you do to pacify him/her, he or she is violent anyway. The only way for your abuser to change is for them to realise they have a problem and to seek help for the abusive behaviour.
  • Ignoring violence is dangerous: Violence rarely happens only once. In fact it's much more usual for the violence to get more serious the longer it goes on. Despite their dominating ways, many perpetrators appear to go to pieces after an assault or if their partners threaten to leave them. They can be very remorseful and promise to stop the violence, give up drinking etc. Partners sometimes feel sorry for them and agree to stay but unfortunately, experience shows that improvements in behaviour are short-lived and the violence occurs again. Sadly, for some, what began as a slap or a punch, ends in murder.
  • Break the silence - don't remain isolated: You have nothing to be ashamed of. Don't keep the violence a secret. Get help from someone you trust or you can contact one of the many organisations. You can phone them even if you just want to talk. You don't actually have to do anything. The more isolated you are, the harder it becomes to take action. Don't suffer alone, there's lots of help out there.
  • There is life after an abusive relationship: Although 'starting over' may seem very difficult, there are many benefits. Many men and women start new and rewarding lives and discover they enjoy living without a partner. You can start new and loving relationships which you could never have believed was possible when you were with your violent partner. Almost all speak of the joy of discovering that the things the abusers told them i.e. 'you're stupid / ugly / useless / no-one else would have you / you'll never make it on your own, etc.' were not true.