When you feel really angry and worry that it is getting out of control ie you are getting very upset and maybe other people are too, use this list. Pin it up somewhere so you can see it. Also, get a notebook and pen and keep them where no-one else can find them – if there’s nowhere private, then gather together some paper which you can tear up after you’ve written on it.

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1. Take a deep breath through your nose and exhale slowly. Do this three times and say "Calm, calm, calm" to yourself. Clench your fists and unclench them three times. Be aware that your body is tensing up and try to relax it bit by bit.

2. If anyone tries to ridicule you or wind you up, then just smile at them. Use this smile on anyone at school or at home to deal with what they are trying to do (best not to try it with teachers!) If someone is trying to make you angry, smiling at them will make THEM really angry and you can keep cool and in control of your emotions. If it’s Mum or Dad and they know what you are doing, they will respect it because you are using it to deal with being angry but other people won’t know that. It also allows everyone a bit of space and may stop arguments before they start.

3. When you feel your anger is frightening even you, call TIME OUT. This is when you leave the situation to give you time to cool off. Make sure that you’ve agreed this with your family beforehand so that they don’t argue about it. If it’s a situation outside the family, just say "excuse me, I’ll be back in five minutes" and leave. Use the TIME OUT to cool down and think about what is happening and how you can deal with it. When you go back (and it’s important you DO go back) then start again calmly or agree to stop arguing. If it’s something you need to talk over and you keep getting angry, find a different way to do it, like writing to them.

5. If talking is impossible or if you need to sort out what you are feeling in your head, write it down. This is private and should ONLY be seen by you. Write down:

a) How you feel and why you feel it

b) Is it real or are you over-reacting?

c) How can you change things?

e) What would you like other people to do to make things different?

6. Do something physical to get rid of the adrenaline that builds up when you get angry or upset. Kick a football against a wall really hard or run on the spot for five minutes. If you are somewhere where you can’t be heard, shout at the top of your voice using your whole rib-cage to push the sound out. Punch your pillow or hit a stick on a wall till it breaks. This sounds violent but you are trying to get violent feelings out and you need to express them violently until you get control.

7. Finally, talk to yourself. Self-talk is really important as it helps you to get rid of feelings and also makes you feel good about yourself. If you feel bad because you’ve upset someone, go and say sorry. If you have embarrassed yourself, tell the person you know you’ve been a twit but you’ll try not to keep doing it. It’s much harder to say things rather than keep them inside but bad feelings cause pain when they are kept inside and you need to find a way to get them out safely so you feel good about yourself as well as other people.