""I cry, I panic, I can't
breathe and I can't do anything"
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After a very sad and difficult few years, you have a
hope of happiness with a man you love, it is hard for
you to understand why you should be afflicted with
terrifying panic attacks and not be able to get on and
enjoy your new life. However, from your letter, I think
you know somewhere that these terrifying attacks are
related to the anxiety and loss that you have
experienced.
Over five years you have been through more than your
fair share of pain and loss and it may be that, as much
of it was to do with the family to whom you are close,
it was difficult for you to acknowledge or express much
of what was going on inside you. You lost your babies,
your marriage, three friends, your brother’s baby, and
both grandparents. You had the shock of your father’s
heart attack and all that meant to your mother and
father. It would be difficult not to lose your trust in
life.
Sometimes when we act strong, pick ourselves up and dust
ourselves off, we bury our feelings. We don’t want to be
miserable or make others miserable, we just want to be
brave and get on with life.
You have come to France and, in doing so you have
experienced a fresh set of losses, which, in the
excitement of being with your partner in France, got
overlooked until you had time to realise. Maybe these
new losses have triggered your buried feelings. You have
left behind supportive and loving parents, a good job,
your own home, maybe friends, and your dog. You left
behind a containing daily life, which perhaps kept your
mind off the anxiety that the painful losses had left
you with. Now you have too much time on your own, no one
to speak to, no dog to take care of, and with no job,
perhaps no structure to your day.
You are trying to find ways of helping yourself and your
partner is being very supportive but you do need to get
some professional help. I can understand that medication
and going into a hospital could feel difficult and not
how you want to be helped but you might need some
medical help to start with to bring your symptoms under
control. Would there be a chance of going back to
England for a little while and seeing your doctor there?
I wonder if you have had any counselling or
psychotherapy at any point during the last few years. I
think it would be very helpful for you to find a
therapist to talk to who would help you with the very
frightening feelings that you are experiencing. You
don’t say where you live in France. Maybe there would be
a chance of finding someone on this website you could
speak to, preferably face-to-face. Ultimately you do
need to lay the traumas of the past to rest. |
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Therapist
B is currently unavailable |
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It sounds like you experienced a number of important
losses a few years ago, not least the birth of your
stillborn twins. You say that after the two years, which
were hell due to the great number of losses you
suffered, you picked yourself up and got on with things.
I would surmise that you did not grieve for all the
losses that you experienced when you got involved with
your job and other activities.
You mentioned that during the first few days in France
you were busy and you were OK, again indicating that
being busy kept kept certain feelings at bay. Leaving
everything behind was also a loss and may be evoking all
the previous losses. Now that you are in France and you
do not have the distractions that you had in your home
country, it may be that all the losses that were not
addressed at the time are catching up with you and are
overwhelming you.
It can be very frightening to be engulfed by feelings
that do not seem to make sense, and this may be one of
the factors contributing to your panic attacks. You also
mention that your parents, and now your partner, are the
only ones whom you can trust, and I wonder what has
happened that prevents you from trusting other people
apart from your parents.
I would suggest that seeing a counsellor, or a
psychotherapist, could help you address and go through
all the grieving and mourning and that you may not have
done. |
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