"HOW DO I BECOME EMOTIONALLY INDEPENDENT FROM MY
BOYFRIEND?"
I am a female and I have lost both my parents due to
suicide when I was 21 at 6 months interval. First my
father, who was not really displaying visible depressive
symptoms. My mother was depressive (probably dipolar)
since I was around 12 years old and it gradually got
worse as time went on. Myself, I have a history of
depression, anxiety attack and anorexia. My anorexia
came around age 16 but I do not have any problem with
food since I was around age 23.
My depression and anxiety attacks vary in degree from
moment to moment but I think I am on a slightly
depressive side all the time and have a negative pattern
of thinking. I have almost a permanent feeling of
fatigue, and I am tired in the morning even after 9
hours of sleep. My boyfriend suggested that my parents'
death is still haunting me and I am not getting a very
good sleep. He told me that I often talk in my sleep as
if I am having a terrible nightmare, although I almost
never remember my dreams.
About 2 years ago I really started to notice that I was
too emotionally dependent on my boyfriend of 6 years (4
years at the time). I would get horrible anxiety attacks
with even the slightest problems we would have in our
couple. About a year ago, we had one of the biggest
crisis in our couple and I felt as if my life was not
worth living and I could not possibly live without my
partner. My anxiety and depression peaked and I finally
sought some professional help. I had 6 counselling
sessions with a professional therapist, but then decided
that it was not going anywhere and stopped. 6 months
ago, my boyfriend decided to attend AA and quit
drinking. I had always thought that he was a heavy
social drinker and maybe gets a little too wild when
drinking but I did not really think he was a true
alcoholic until we attended the AA meeting. (more
denial) The great thing is that as he started attending
AA, I started attending Al-Anon (for families and
friends of Alcoholics). Since then, my attitudes toward
life has changed greatly, I feel much less emotionally
dependent on my boyfriend and I feel like I can live
alone even if I do enjoy his company a lot. Most of my
fears for the future and my relationships are gone and
when it does arise, it has been reduced to a manageable
level.
Right now, although I am happy of the progress I have
made, I am tired of feeling tired and tired of the
fragility of my moods. It seems as though there is
always something holding me down so that I cannot focus
myself entirely on what I want to do in my life and be
happy. I really want to tackle this problem, deal with
my unconscious/subconscious mind and start the true
healing process but I don't know where to start.
ANSWERS
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