HUSBAND HAS MET AN OLD FLAME ON THE INTERNET"
My husband and I moved to
France a few years ago. We are both 70 and have been
married 14 years. We thought we had something so special
and loved each other so very much. It seems we have
drifted apart and have not been meeting in the middle
for some considerable time. He had not been giving me
eye contact and seemed not to care at all anymore for
several months. I was beginning to worry he was ill and
didn't want to tell me.
A fortnight ago I
pressured him to tell me and said he had all the
symptoms of an affair but I didn't see how as we are
almost always together. We have many friends as a couple
and have a very active social life and I am sure no one
knows anything is wrong. Eventually I asked him if there
was anyone else and he said no - but. And the but is
that someone he used to love has found him on the
internet and they started communicating some months ago.
It apparently developed and they both found they still
love each other. This is from 45 years ago. I can't help
thinking he is in love with a fantasy. He cannot know
what she is like now, either visually or as a person.
I was very upset and
could not believe he could hurt me like this. He was
feeling very guilty and blames me for attacking him all
the time (verbally) which I do admit on occasions. We
have had two dreadful weeks, we have both been very
upset, He made me promises but now says he doesn't know
if he can keep them as he is finding it too hard, and is
constantly on the computer. I have told him I still love
him very much but I know his love for me is dead. He
says he still loves me in his own way. He is a very kind
gentle guy who would not deliberately hurt anyone. He
says he is frightened of a future with me and doesn't
know what he wants. He says he need time and space.
We are going through
the motions talking on occasions in monotone voices. If
I ask him anything he says I am putting pressure on him.
Today I have found some strength from somewhere and have
told him that I am moving on with my life, I shall join
a few clubs and try to be happy and that the tears are
over. I have counted my blessings, we have a lovely
home, a motorhome and should be so happy. He says he
doesn't know if he wants to move forward with me or not.
We should be away now in the motorhome but he doesn't
want to go anymore. Please can he ever have feelings for
me again and if so how do I play it? I am not moving out
of our home and wonder if I try to be patient he will
get over it. I am managing to hold it together on the
outside but inside I am in despair and most days break
my heart alone then pull myself together. Please help.
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