"I'M CONFUSED ABOUT MY SEXUALITY AFTER SLEEPING WITH A NEIGHBOUR"

Therapist A is a counsellor and life coach with experience of working with alcohol and addiction issues as well as with eating disorders.

Therapist A's answer to this dilemma will be published when received

Therapist B is a Relate-trained counsellor with experience of working with relationship issues and is an experienced couples counsellor
"I donít know what to do whether to be true to myself or stick with my family........I have to do something soon..... Also, Iím worried the neighbour will tell someone else and he might find out anyway."
I'm sorry that you find yourself in such an emotional & physical dilemma, & can see from the above statements that you are feeling under some pressure to try & sort out your feelings quite soon.

Perhaps you could take some of that pressure off for a start by asking to talk to your neighbour & finding out the likelihood of her telling your husband at all, let alone the near future? I realise it could be difficult as presumably her embarrassment might want her to hide what has happened or even deny it in some way, putting it down to too much to drink-but if you just ask for 5 minutes of her time she will realise that you aren't trying to pin her down to a long, emotional & potentially embarrassing session.

Once you've established whether you are at immediate risk of being found out, then I guess it would be time to have a big think about the life changing issues at stake now.
I'm wondering what you really mean by writing about being true to yourself? It sounds as though you've had a huge revelation about re-awakening your sexual feelings & recognising how good it made you feel at having sex with a woman. This seems to have made you compare it the sex you've had with your husband for the last 30 years, since you were both at university,& I suppose it is inevitable that the long term sex will come off badly in comparison with the recent experience, fuelled by excitement & alcohol? This of course might still have been the case if you'd had a fling with another man, but perhaps you could try & look at the fundamental reality of spending the rest of your life with your husband or leaving to try a single/dating life outside the marriage?
Maybe it would also help to look at the reality of staying in the marriage or not, regardless of whether you leave it for the potential freedom of sex with other women. The only real difference is the attitude you fear from your children, husband ,family & society in general-but breaking up a marriage has the same results whether it is for another woman or another man - its just the degree of 'social' acceptability.

Maybe it would help to seek couple counselling first, & then perhaps you could find the words to tell your husband of your bi sexual feelings, but in the context of explaining that you are not happy within the marriage anyway? It isn't hard to see that you both married very young & that feelings do change along the way, but it might help to try & explore that with a trained counsellor?

Relate are very experienced in all aspects of relationship/marriage problems including sexual differences & you could try their web site www.relate.org.uk  as they offer online & phone sessions as well as face to face for those who aren't near a Relate centre.
I do hope the above helps & that you can find the sympathetic & non judgemental help that you are asking for.
Therapist C is a psychoanalytic psychotherapist with experience of working with relationship and many other issues.
I am not sure what you mean when you say you grew out of being bisexual when you were 17. I don't know how sexually active you were as a teenager and I am wondering whether sex was a substitute for you for something else that you felt was lacking in your life. You mention that sex with your husband is boring and I wonder whether that is a reflection of what is going on in your marriage. You seem to be saying that you have not been feeling really alive and you say that you need to rethink your life and your sexuality. There seem to be a number of factors that may be involved here. You are attributing your lack of aliveness to your sexual relationship with your husband but you do not mention what you are doing in your country of residence, whether you are working or engaged in an activity. Are you bored with your life? What is it that is not being fulfilled, apart from your sexual relationship with your husband? When you write about being true to yourself, does it apply only to your sexuality or are there other factors involved there as well?