"HOW CAN I STOP THESE THOUGHTS?"
say that you are in your fifties and for many people it
is a time of sadness, even depression and anxiety. It is
a time when people start to look back over their lives
and realise that there are no second chances.
‘Episode’ and ‘events’ are distancing words to use about
times in your past, the memories of which are causing
you so much distress. Maybe the ‘younger you’ felt that
whatever it was (you don’t say what you did), just
happened to you. More recently your friend’s remark has
brought the painful experiences to consciousness. Is it
possible that you didn’t face, at the time, your
responsibility for what happened and the painful or
guilty feelings associated? Perhaps you preferred to
walk away and to forget. Unfortunately we cannot deal
with the things we regret, and the associated difficult
feelings, by forgetting.
It sounds as if you have never spoken to anyone about
what happened and the shame you feel. I think that it would help
you to find a counsellor to talk to. Sharing difficult
things, putting them into words, can bring your thoughts
and feelings under control and lessen their impact.
Counsellors do not judge but work with you to understand
what has happened in your life. If you are living in
France, it maybe difficult to find a counsellor near
you, whom you can meet face to face. However there are a
number of people on the Counselling in France website
who work on the phone.
I'm sorry you are
experiencing these distressing memories from some years
ago, & wonder if it would help to talk to a trained
counsellor, either face to face if there is anyone near
you, or online which actually helps you to explore
It sounds as though your memories & thoughts are going
round & round in your head with no outlet & it must feel
alarming when you can't get rid of them. Very often if
you can find someone who you feel you can trust to be
non-judgemental, then they might be able to help you get
things in perspective. It might be that the memories
have got out of proportion, & if you were able to tell
someone then you could get another opinion about what
you could possibly have done at the time, or not?
If you are unable to let go of these shameful feelings
it might be useful to write them down, & then look at
any options- is there anything that you really need to
apologise for, & would it make any difference all these
years later? Sometimes people find it useful to write to
whoever they have offended, even if there is no point in
sending a letter, & then just symbolically get rid of
the paper by burning it or tearing it up & ridding
yourself of guilt that way.
There are some sites on Google which could help you
online & this one below explains the process of
examining the reasons behind similar feelings of guilt.
I hope it helps-please come back for more support if you
Sometimes an event or incident can trigger memories that
have been repressed. Once these memories emerge, it is
difficult to push them down again. Even if they are
repressed they still have a detrimental effect on one's
life. It sounds like all these memories of what you call
shameful events need to be addressed. This is difficult
to do alone so I would recommend that you find a
counsellor or a psychotherapist with whom you feel
comfortable who could help you confront and lay to rest
psychotherapist or counsellor could enable you to
understand what led to these shameful events. It sounds
as though your are looking at these events out of
context and it might be useful to contextualise them so
that you have some insight into their causes.