Contrary to what many people think, the role of a counsellor is not to give advice. Instead, they will help you question the way you look at things, the way you behave or react to situations or people and they can also help you to develop new strategies for dealing with your situation. They do this by getting to know you, developing an understanding of your circumstances, listening to what you have to say and by offering support and insight.

While it can be really helpful to talk to someone you know and trust, you may feel more comfortable confiding in someone who’s removed from your personal situation and is therefore more objective. Also, having a set time and space to talk may help you to work through the issues concerning you.

Counselling is definitely worth considering when:

• you are feeling overwhelmed or depressed
• you need someone to listen to you and help you work out what’s most important
• an issue or situation is seriously affecting your day-to-day life
• you can’t make important decisions and are not sure what to do next.

Counsellors can talk you through a whole range of issues or problems. Here are just some of the areas of modern life they are used to dealing with:

• relationship or family issues
• major life changes
• coping with separation and new relationships
• domestic violence or sexual abuse
• coming to terms with abuse in your childhood
• depression or anxiety
• stress
• anger
• loss and grief
• parenting and step-parenting
• gambling
• financial difficulties

A counsellor can meet with you on a one-to-one basis, with you and your partner or with members of your family, to talk through issues that are concerning you.

A counsellor leads the discussion for a group of people (with or without similar issues of concern) who get together on a regular basis to share their experiences or concerns.

Online and telephone counselling

Working with a counsellor online, by telephone, by Email, chat-room or instant messaging is certainly not as good as face-to-face counselling but can be very effective when there are long distances involved. This is especially relevant in France.

People who are experiencing similar problems, such as loss and grief, trauma, divorce and illness, meet to discuss common issues and problems (with or without a counsellor to lead the discussion).

There’s no clear-cut answer to this question. Keep in mind that many people from different backgrounds and with a wide range of qualifications work as counsellors and therapists. What’s really important is that you find the right counsellor for you and your situation.

It’s a good idea to ask some questions over the phone before making an appointment. Apart from giving you the answers to specific queries, you may be able to get some idea of whether you’re likely to get on with the counsellor and if they’re going to be sensitive to your situation.

What are some of the questions I should ask?

• How much will it cost?
• How is your privacy protected?
• What happens to any notes once the counselling is over?
• How will the sessions be conducted?
• What techniques or methods does the counsellor use?
• Is the counsellor a member of a professional association? Remember that many counsellors working in France may have once belonged to a professional organisation in the UK and may no longer belong. As long as they adhere to the Code of Ethics and Guidelines for Practice for that organisation (usually BACP) then they should be working within safe boundaries. Click here for the website of BACP

The most important thing to keep in mind is that you don’t have to make a commitment at this stage in the process. Feel free to change your counsellor or the type of counselling you’re receiving if you want to. A good counsellor will want you to get it right for yourself above anything else and won't feel hurt if you decide not to work with them.

There is a range of things you need to consider before choosing a counsellor. These include:

• whether you want a male or female counsellor
• the counsellor’s culture and first language
• the counsellor’s area of specialty and the approach they take
• the counsellor’s training, qualifications and experience.

While there are many different approaches a counsellor can take, and many different areas of specialty and training, good counsellors share common attributes. A good counsellor will:

• believe in you
• respect you and allow you to work through your experiences and emotions
• be able to respectfully challenge your perceptions or position when it’s necessary
• have faith in your ability to work through your problems
• allow you to make your own choices and respect your decisions
• be trustworthy and sensitive
• provide you with the information you need
• be happy to discuss the issues surrounding confidentiality.

As someone who is receiving counselling, you have very clearly defined rights.

• You should be treated with care, consideration and dignity.
• You have the right to begin and end counselling at any time.
• Your counsellor should not engage in any type of sexual relationship with you.

Some people just don’t feel like talking to someone else about themselves or their personal problems. For them, it may be more beneficial to work through their concerns in other ways – say, by joining a music or art therapy session or taking a course of study that might help, like stress management, building self-esteem, managing conflict and assertiveness training for example.

How do I know the counsellor will keep what I say confidential?

What is the difference between a 'trained' and a 'qualified' counsellor?